A Change Is Gonna Come

I'm feeling inspired these days.

The busyness of the new school year is upon us and my heart is a little anxious about all that is to come, but nevertheless, I am feeling inspired.

The inspiration is coming from a place of wanting to change.

That word often gets a bad rap.  Change is hard.  It can sneak up on us and feel extremely terrifying.  We can know it's coming, and still, we dig our heels in and say, No.

In this case, though, it is the good kind of change.

My heart is in a place of needing and desiring change.  My mind, body, and spirit are right there too.  It's interesting how your heart has a way of leading the way.

Seven months ago when I quit my job to be a SAHM, I never imagined the toll it would take on my heart.  I put all kinds of expectations on myself to play the role well.  To please my children, my husband, and be the perfect SAHM I had prefabricated in my head.

Earlier this summer, I wrote about how that all played out.

I will be the first to admit, I have not figured it all out.  There are days when I am a self-doubting, ultra-critical, over-analytical, crazy person.  My husband likes to call me high strung.

I am learning, though, being that crazy person sometimes is okay.  We need to extend ourselves a little grace now and then.

We, as mothers, as woman, as humans are going to make mistakes and get things wrong sometimes.

We are going to burn the chicken and wear spit up out of the house without realizing it.

We are going to yell at our kids and let them watch a little too much TV some days.

We are, inevitably, going to pick a fight with our husband because, well, it has just been one of those days.

We are going to screw it all up, and then screw it up some more.

And you know what, that's okay.

The desire for perfection is still a battle I am warring against, but I am learning, little by little, the power in just letting go.

The Lord has done a tremendous work in my heart.  He has shown me what true perfection looks like through Christ.  He has helped me to see that I will never live up to THAT kind of perfection, and helped me to realize that it's okay.  There is beauty in the mess.  In the struggle. In the crazy.

So, part of this change that is stirring inside of me, is really just an understanding that life is too short to sweat the small stuff.  It really is.  My husband likes to remind me with this saying, "In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter".  He is a very wise man.

I read far too many stories about life being cut short.  The truth is, we have not been promised a long life.  It could end tomorrow for us.  Or, for someone we dearly love.

Today is what we have been given.  Let's make the most of it.

Part of the change I am desiring is to spend less time with technology and more time with the people I love.

I will admit it, I have been roped in by technology.  I have become addicted to it.  I want to know what my friends are up to, what big news stories have transpired, and gosh, do I love all of those mom blogs.
I often feel guilty for the time I spend with my phone in my hand.  And, let's face it, sometimes we just need to have a little guilty pleasure.

But too much indulging, in my experience and opinion, is just bad for the soul.

I want to be more present.  Read more books.  Spend more time creating.  Play with my kids more. Serve others well.  Catch up with friends over coffee.

I want to spend less time reading about what strangers are doing with their families.

Less time comparing.  Less time pinning.  Less time being consumed by technology.

Now, I am in no way saying technology is bad.  I LOVE having access to pictures of my family and friends. I have gotten to watch my best friends' children grow up before my eyes because of social media.  I LOVE that I can share photos of my own kids with family and friends.  

And, I am still planning on keeping up with my shows that are about to start up again this Fall.  Yes, I like to watch Scandle, Parenthood, and House of Cards when the kids are asleep.  There is no shame in that.

Really, it's all about moderation. That's what I am shooting for.

Whew, I feel better just getting my junk thoughts out there.  I know, it was a novel tonight.  I guess that's what happens when you haven't blogged for two months.

But, all of this to say, a change is gonna come.  And I am ready.