My Day Was Full

Today was a FULL day of mommy juggling.

Mommy juggling is hard.  Before I had my second baby, it was just her.  My sweet girl. She got all of my love.  All of my attention.  All of my energy.  

There was no one else crying for me in the other room.  Only one bath to give at night.  Only one body to chase around the living room.  Only one.

It's amazing how much changes when there are two.  Two mouths to feed.  Two different schedules to abide by.  Two very distinct cries to attend to. Two sweet kids who need me.

The good news is, my heart has plenty of room for the both of them.

But, some days I wish I had real life super powers.  Like powers that make you able to be in two places at once.  Or, powers that silence two screaming children with the snap of a finger.  Oh, I know, powers that allow you to clean up a house full of mess with the clap of your hands.

Okay, so since that will never happen, I will just have to rely on the powers I already have.

Yes, moms have powers.  Dads do too of course, but mom powers are very special.

Like, don't moms just have that magic touch when dealing with a sick child.  I hate when my babies are sick, believe me, but oh how I love it when my daughter wants to snuggle with me when she isn't feeling well. She nestles her head on my chest and not a thing in the world can interrupt us.  That's mom power.

And, moms have the insane ability to function, even if it's barely, on little to no sleep. Can I get an AMEN. Seriously though, how is it even possible.  All I can come up with, is that's how God wired us.  He knew we would need to be up every two hours to feed our newborn babies.  He knew we would need to soothe our teething babies back to sleep at 2 am.  He knew we would need to calm our toddlers after their night terrors. And, he knew we would need to change the sheets after a middle of the night accident.  Again, mom power. Coffee definitely helps too.

And finally, moms have a way of getting five hundred things done all at once.  The fine art of multitasking. We can have twelve things marked off our to-do list before the coffee is even ready.  Mom power for sure.

I could go on and on, but you get what I'm saying.  

I was blessed to have a mom who could do all of those things.  I remember her doing all of those things.  I'm thirty one years old and still want my mom when I'm sick.  

So, for all of you moms out there who are warn out and tired as hell, keep swimming. Just keep swimming.  

We are in the trenches together.  We can get through the tough days.  We were made for this.  

The Lord is strengthening us.  He will not give us more than we can handle.  Lean on Him.

My day was full.  Full of juggling.  Full of chaos.  Full of love.  

And, really, aren't those the best kind.  

       

A Change Is Gonna Come

I'm feeling inspired these days.

The busyness of the new school year is upon us and my heart is a little anxious about all that is to come, but nevertheless, I am feeling inspired.

The inspiration is coming from a place of wanting to change.

That word often gets a bad rap.  Change is hard.  It can sneak up on us and feel extremely terrifying.  We can know it's coming, and still, we dig our heels in and say, No.

In this case, though, it is the good kind of change.

My heart is in a place of needing and desiring change.  My mind, body, and spirit are right there too.  It's interesting how your heart has a way of leading the way.

Seven months ago when I quit my job to be a SAHM, I never imagined the toll it would take on my heart.  I put all kinds of expectations on myself to play the role well.  To please my children, my husband, and be the perfect SAHM I had prefabricated in my head.

Earlier this summer, I wrote about how that all played out.

I will be the first to admit, I have not figured it all out.  There are days when I am a self-doubting, ultra-critical, over-analytical, crazy person.  My husband likes to call me high strung.

I am learning, though, being that crazy person sometimes is okay.  We need to extend ourselves a little grace now and then.

We, as mothers, as woman, as humans are going to make mistakes and get things wrong sometimes.

We are going to burn the chicken and wear spit up out of the house without realizing it.

We are going to yell at our kids and let them watch a little too much TV some days.

We are, inevitably, going to pick a fight with our husband because, well, it has just been one of those days.

We are going to screw it all up, and then screw it up some more.

And you know what, that's okay.

The desire for perfection is still a battle I am warring against, but I am learning, little by little, the power in just letting go.

The Lord has done a tremendous work in my heart.  He has shown me what true perfection looks like through Christ.  He has helped me to see that I will never live up to THAT kind of perfection, and helped me to realize that it's okay.  There is beauty in the mess.  In the struggle. In the crazy.

So, part of this change that is stirring inside of me, is really just an understanding that life is too short to sweat the small stuff.  It really is.  My husband likes to remind me with this saying, "In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter".  He is a very wise man.

I read far too many stories about life being cut short.  The truth is, we have not been promised a long life.  It could end tomorrow for us.  Or, for someone we dearly love.

Today is what we have been given.  Let's make the most of it.

Part of the change I am desiring is to spend less time with technology and more time with the people I love.

I will admit it, I have been roped in by technology.  I have become addicted to it.  I want to know what my friends are up to, what big news stories have transpired, and gosh, do I love all of those mom blogs.
I often feel guilty for the time I spend with my phone in my hand.  And, let's face it, sometimes we just need to have a little guilty pleasure.

But too much indulging, in my experience and opinion, is just bad for the soul.

I want to be more present.  Read more books.  Spend more time creating.  Play with my kids more. Serve others well.  Catch up with friends over coffee.

I want to spend less time reading about what strangers are doing with their families.

Less time comparing.  Less time pinning.  Less time being consumed by technology.

Now, I am in no way saying technology is bad.  I LOVE having access to pictures of my family and friends. I have gotten to watch my best friends' children grow up before my eyes because of social media.  I LOVE that I can share photos of my own kids with family and friends.  

And, I am still planning on keeping up with my shows that are about to start up again this Fall.  Yes, I like to watch Scandle, Parenthood, and House of Cards when the kids are asleep.  There is no shame in that.

Really, it's all about moderation. That's what I am shooting for.

Whew, I feel better just getting my junk thoughts out there.  I know, it was a novel tonight.  I guess that's what happens when you haven't blogged for two months.

But, all of this to say, a change is gonna come.  And I am ready.

  







      

  

 
  

The Library, Park, And Apple Pie

Today was a great day.

It started out rough, but turned out being a fun-filled family day.

K woke up feeling a little emo so we decided to skip out on school and keep her home with us.  The hubby is home for the summer (much needed teacher break), and it sure has been nice to have an extra set of hands around the house.  He made us breakfast, which was a nice little change from either eating nothing or the piece of buttered toast I usually have.

The morning rain made it difficult to get up and moving, but we finally decided to go to the library for some reading and play time.  We ended up at Emily Fowler and it was actually the first time K had been to that branch.  The children's section is super cute and she loved playing with the blocks and putting together an underwater floor puzzle.

She is focusing hard on this puzzle

She usually has a hard time when it is time to leave, but surprisingly, she cleaned up and took her book over to the counter to check it out.  She chose Eric Carle's, The Artist Who Painted A Blue Horse.  One of my favorites.

Later that day, after we realized she was not going to take a nap, we decided to go to the park.  Yes, two outings in one day.  I promise I only had one cup of coffee this morning.  I was having one of those overly energized days.

We went to the red park over by our house and K met a little friend.  He was super cute and wanted to tell K all about what he could do on the playground.  They chased each other some and took turns sliding.   

Having fun swinging with Daddy and baby brother

We ended the evening by making our first apple pie and homemade ice cream.  I recruited K to help and she loved every second of it.  I used a simple recipe I found online.  Really, I was looking for an ingredients list that matched what I had in the pantry. 

It turned out tasting pretty delicious.  

Well, that friends, is all she wrote.  The babies are asleep and I think it's time to cuddle up and watch a movie before my ten o'clock bedtime.  Here's to hoping I wake up with the same energy tomorrow.  

Popsicle Making Extravaganza

It's been  pretty crazy around here the last couple of days.

K has been sick, and although we had a very scary night when her temperature climbed to 105, she is doing much better now.

She's jumping off furniture.  Running around singing Frozen songs.  She's back to her old self.  Whew, thank you, Lord.

I wanted to share an activity we did together a couple of days ago.  In an effort to get more vegetables in K's diet, we decided to make popsicles from real fruit and veggie juice.

I bought this juicer off an infomercial back in August.  My husband and I had recently finished watching the documentary, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.  Anytime I watch one of those food documentaries, I get in beast mode and attempt to throw out all the garbage in our pantry.

We juiced for a few months (not exclusively), but since I was pregnant at the time, I decided to put it off until I wasn't craving french fries and chocolate all of the time.  I mean, really.

So, back to our popsicle making extravaganza.

I tried to build this up so K would be excited about eating them later.  In my big, cheesy mom voice, I announced we were going to make delicious popsicles.  She immediately came running into the kitchen.

Before we even began the process, I had a super mom fail.  I couldn't find the popsicle molds.
K was roaring to go, so I had to improvise.  We used an old baby food storage container.  

We started out simple. I cut up an apple and the ends off four carrots.

 
K doesn't like loud noises so she asked to leave the room once it was time to stick them into the juicer. That's my favorite part of the whole juicing experience.

I asked if she wanted to drink some and she politely shook her head no.  I let her pour the liquid into the 'popsicle mold'.  She loved this part.

I put the lid on and we stuck them in the freezer.  My plan was to put in popsicle sticks once they started to freeze.  Another mom fail...I forgot.

K didn't seem to mind.  She was so excited to go check on the popsicles the next day.  We popped one out and made it into a snow cone.

 
I would love for her to eventually start drinking the juice, but for now, I am happy to make all the popsicles in the world if it means she is getting some good nutrients into her body.

Creating Art With My Girl

Today was a great day.

The kind of day where you feel so overwhelmed with love and joy, you just want to freeze time.

I felt motivated, caffeinated, and ready to take on the day by 7:30 am.  That's a little early for me.  I usually fall back asleep after little man's first morning feeding.  That is, if my sweet three year old doesn't come climbing into my bed before then.

So, back to the fact that I started my day feeling motivated instead of tired.  That might have something to do with the fact that I forced myself to go to sleep after my last pumping session last night.  Usually, I stay up and watch a few episodes of, Parenthood, before attempting to fall asleep.  By the way, great show.

Or, it might have a lot to do with the magical beauty of a certain baby sleeping through the night.

So about today.  I made it my goal to do an art project with my daughter.  We had so much fun.

She loves to paint.  I'm not sure why.  Okay, that was a joke.

I'm actually surprised by this because when she was a baby, she hated anything that came close to touching her sweet little precious hands.


We decided to gain inspiration from this Pinterest project.  I pinned it a long time ago and recently decided to start saving lids so I could actually do something like it.

Click Here to see how it was created.


I dug out a small canvas, paint, paint brushes, old circulars, scissors, glue, and of course, the lids.

  

K started by painting the canvas blue.  She took her time like she always does when paint is involved.



Then, she cut up green strips of paper and circles out of the old circular I gave her.  She loves using scissors. Some days I will give her pieces of paper and a bowl and she will sit for what seems like hours just cutting up paper. It's a fun and cheap activity for preschoolers.



After cutting came the gluing.  She hasn't quite learned the phrase, a little goes a long way.  I helped her glue everything down, including the tiny silk flowers she found in my art bag that she insisted on including on the canvas.



I love creating art with her.  She soaks up every second of it.  I watch her making decisions about where she wants things to go and it reminds me of why exploring art is so important for young children.

But that's another post for another day.

These spring flowers will look perfect up on our mantel.  Every time I look at them I will remember the day that my sweet girl sat at the kitchen table, still in her pajamas, and created art with me.    







  





        

  

    

Let's Be Real

I'm just going to go ahead and put this out there.  I'm exhausted.

When I quit my job almost four months ago, I had a plan.  I may have changed my major four times in college, but I always knew I wanted to be a mother.  So I had this plan and idea in my head of what a perfect stay at home mom would look like.

Fast forward to now and I can assure you, there is no way that "perfect" mom will ever be me.

I love my kids.  I adore them and want them to have a fun, enriched, and adventurous childhood.  I want them to be thinkers, explorers, and appreciate the arts.  I want them to value education and choose reading over video games.  I want them to grow up loving people.  All kinds of people.  I want them to be well mannered and respectful.  To actually revere their elders.  I want them to discover things for themselves, and to know the answers don't always come from a multiple choice test.

But I have to constantly remind myself  that all of these hopes and dreams I have for them don't have to magically happen RIGHT NOW.  I have to slow down and relax a bit.  Take a chill pill.  

My daughter is three and my son is three month old.  I don't worry so much about my youngest because he pretty much just wants to eat, sleep, and make the cutest darn faces at anyone who will look at him.  It's my daughter who I worry about constantly.

She is extremely audacious.  Independent and strong willed.  She is the first born, so naturally she wants to be the leader.

Like all moms, I want her to have everything life has to offer.  Not like material things, but real and tangible experiences.  So when I decided to stay at home more, I had this picture in my head of how I was going to accomplish all these tasks like cooking, cleaning, and laundry, along with making sure my daughter was busy with projects and activities all day.

But it hasn't been as easy as I thought it was going to be.  Some days I feel like I'm failing.  

Like on days when I just want to stay in my pajamas and let her watch one too many episodes of Umizoomie.  Hey, at least she is learning about math. Or days when we should be outside playing, but because all I've done that morning are chores and laundry, feedings and pumping, I let her ride her bike around the living room while I sit and enjoy the comfort of my couch.

I worry that she is missing out on something. Something great because I'm too tired.

Then, there are days when I wake up and it seems as if the coffee I had the day before is still pumping through my veins.  Like I want to take on the world, screaming, I am superwoman hear me roar. Okay, I don't really scream that, but I am feeling it inside.


Those days are great because I feel accomplished.  I feel like I'm doing things right.

But, if I have learned anything over the past three years, it's this-- there isn't a right or wrong way.  Some moms were born with high amounts of energy and are able to plan activity after activity.  Some moms are great at playing dress up.  Some moms were gifted with the ability to sit for hours and play with trains or dinosaurs or any other toy that requires you to sit on the floor for long periods of time.

There are times when I want to pull my hair out.  Times when I wish there was another adult in the house just so I could have five minutes of conversation that didn't involve Elsa and Anna.  But at the end of the day, despite all the diaper changes, spilled food, destruction zone of toys, and never ending use of the words, "mommy I want", I love being a mom.  I don't always love every single moment of motherhood, but I'm learning that it is, like most things in life, a process.

It's a give and take process that takes time, effort, love, honesty, encouragement, and patience.  Oh the patience.
   
Some days I get it right.  Other days, I have to spend more time in prayer asking for guidance and patience. The Lord knew what He was doing when he opened this door for me.  I may not know what I'm doing half of the time, but I am confident that I am not alone.

Let's be real, I'm tired.  I'm exhausted most days.  I'm warn out from the day in and day out challenges of parenting.  No one said it would be easy, though.  I'm thankful for the tears, back aches, and messy living room.  It means I'm alive and living my dream of being a mom.


         

 

Beautiful Beginnings--Take Three

Well, I'm back.

It's been so long since I last logged on, I forgot my password.  What can I say, I'm a horrible blogger.  This time, I'm not setting any rules.  I may be on here every day, or once a month.  Who knows.

What I do know is, I have missed writing.  Let me be clear, this is really for me.  I need an outlet.  There isn't enough melatonin to calm the kind of chaos that goes on inside my head.

I'm a mom of two now, so I'm sure I will want to write about the joys of mommy{hood}.  I may even throw in the mishaps of mommy{hood}.  Let's be real, it's not always glamorous being a mom.  Actually, most of the time it's extremely challenging.  In a good, sanctifying, ever growing kind of way.

I'm sure I will want to write about my new adventure in life that is my baby.  My business.  I spent eight years in college and another three years after graduation trying to figure out my career path.  I knew I wanted to spend most days at home with my kids.  I knew I wanted to work with children.  I knew I LOVED teaching art.  Put that all together and you get a huge answer to prayer.  The Lord opened some big 'ol doors.

I'm positive that I will want to write about my faith.  I love Jesus.  I love and serve a mighty God.  I want to share what He has done and will continue to do in my life.

And then, I will probably write about anything and everything in between.  Like cooking.  I actually enjoy cooking now.  Since I have more time to plan and prep, I like to try new recipes.  I can make a mean meatloaf.  

And maybe future attempts at gardening.  I'm not a gardener, but would like to be someday.  When my recipes call for fresh basil I kick myself because I always have to use the dry stuff in my pantry.  I'm pretty sure the fresh is much better.

And probably DIY projects and updates around my house.  I just painted over wallpaper in our guest bathroom.  I'm a pro now. 

And if I don't write about all the above, I might just post pictures of my sweet babies.  I am a closet wannabe photographer.  There, I said it.  I don't own a Canon or anything, I just enjoy taking photos with my super awesome smart phone app.

I'm excited about giving this blogging thing another try.  If anything it's free therapy for me.  My Beautiful Beginnings, take three.