My Day Was Full

Today was a FULL day of mommy juggling.

Mommy juggling is hard.  Before I had my second baby, it was just her.  My sweet girl. She got all of my love.  All of my attention.  All of my energy.  

There was no one else crying for me in the other room.  Only one bath to give at night.  Only one body to chase around the living room.  Only one.

It's amazing how much changes when there are two.  Two mouths to feed.  Two different schedules to abide by.  Two very distinct cries to attend to. Two sweet kids who need me.

The good news is, my heart has plenty of room for the both of them.

But, some days I wish I had real life super powers.  Like powers that make you able to be in two places at once.  Or, powers that silence two screaming children with the snap of a finger.  Oh, I know, powers that allow you to clean up a house full of mess with the clap of your hands.

Okay, so since that will never happen, I will just have to rely on the powers I already have.

Yes, moms have powers.  Dads do too of course, but mom powers are very special.

Like, don't moms just have that magic touch when dealing with a sick child.  I hate when my babies are sick, believe me, but oh how I love it when my daughter wants to snuggle with me when she isn't feeling well. She nestles her head on my chest and not a thing in the world can interrupt us.  That's mom power.

And, moms have the insane ability to function, even if it's barely, on little to no sleep. Can I get an AMEN. Seriously though, how is it even possible.  All I can come up with, is that's how God wired us.  He knew we would need to be up every two hours to feed our newborn babies.  He knew we would need to soothe our teething babies back to sleep at 2 am.  He knew we would need to calm our toddlers after their night terrors. And, he knew we would need to change the sheets after a middle of the night accident.  Again, mom power. Coffee definitely helps too.

And finally, moms have a way of getting five hundred things done all at once.  The fine art of multitasking. We can have twelve things marked off our to-do list before the coffee is even ready.  Mom power for sure.

I could go on and on, but you get what I'm saying.  

I was blessed to have a mom who could do all of those things.  I remember her doing all of those things.  I'm thirty one years old and still want my mom when I'm sick.  

So, for all of you moms out there who are warn out and tired as hell, keep swimming. Just keep swimming.  

We are in the trenches together.  We can get through the tough days.  We were made for this.  

The Lord is strengthening us.  He will not give us more than we can handle.  Lean on Him.

My day was full.  Full of juggling.  Full of chaos.  Full of love.  

And, really, aren't those the best kind.  

       

A Change Is Gonna Come

I'm feeling inspired these days.

The busyness of the new school year is upon us and my heart is a little anxious about all that is to come, but nevertheless, I am feeling inspired.

The inspiration is coming from a place of wanting to change.

That word often gets a bad rap.  Change is hard.  It can sneak up on us and feel extremely terrifying.  We can know it's coming, and still, we dig our heels in and say, No.

In this case, though, it is the good kind of change.

My heart is in a place of needing and desiring change.  My mind, body, and spirit are right there too.  It's interesting how your heart has a way of leading the way.

Seven months ago when I quit my job to be a SAHM, I never imagined the toll it would take on my heart.  I put all kinds of expectations on myself to play the role well.  To please my children, my husband, and be the perfect SAHM I had prefabricated in my head.

Earlier this summer, I wrote about how that all played out.

I will be the first to admit, I have not figured it all out.  There are days when I am a self-doubting, ultra-critical, over-analytical, crazy person.  My husband likes to call me high strung.

I am learning, though, being that crazy person sometimes is okay.  We need to extend ourselves a little grace now and then.

We, as mothers, as woman, as humans are going to make mistakes and get things wrong sometimes.

We are going to burn the chicken and wear spit up out of the house without realizing it.

We are going to yell at our kids and let them watch a little too much TV some days.

We are, inevitably, going to pick a fight with our husband because, well, it has just been one of those days.

We are going to screw it all up, and then screw it up some more.

And you know what, that's okay.

The desire for perfection is still a battle I am warring against, but I am learning, little by little, the power in just letting go.

The Lord has done a tremendous work in my heart.  He has shown me what true perfection looks like through Christ.  He has helped me to see that I will never live up to THAT kind of perfection, and helped me to realize that it's okay.  There is beauty in the mess.  In the struggle. In the crazy.

So, part of this change that is stirring inside of me, is really just an understanding that life is too short to sweat the small stuff.  It really is.  My husband likes to remind me with this saying, "In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter".  He is a very wise man.

I read far too many stories about life being cut short.  The truth is, we have not been promised a long life.  It could end tomorrow for us.  Or, for someone we dearly love.

Today is what we have been given.  Let's make the most of it.

Part of the change I am desiring is to spend less time with technology and more time with the people I love.

I will admit it, I have been roped in by technology.  I have become addicted to it.  I want to know what my friends are up to, what big news stories have transpired, and gosh, do I love all of those mom blogs.
I often feel guilty for the time I spend with my phone in my hand.  And, let's face it, sometimes we just need to have a little guilty pleasure.

But too much indulging, in my experience and opinion, is just bad for the soul.

I want to be more present.  Read more books.  Spend more time creating.  Play with my kids more. Serve others well.  Catch up with friends over coffee.

I want to spend less time reading about what strangers are doing with their families.

Less time comparing.  Less time pinning.  Less time being consumed by technology.

Now, I am in no way saying technology is bad.  I LOVE having access to pictures of my family and friends. I have gotten to watch my best friends' children grow up before my eyes because of social media.  I LOVE that I can share photos of my own kids with family and friends.  

And, I am still planning on keeping up with my shows that are about to start up again this Fall.  Yes, I like to watch Scandle, Parenthood, and House of Cards when the kids are asleep.  There is no shame in that.

Really, it's all about moderation. That's what I am shooting for.

Whew, I feel better just getting my junk thoughts out there.  I know, it was a novel tonight.  I guess that's what happens when you haven't blogged for two months.

But, all of this to say, a change is gonna come.  And I am ready.